Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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