it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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