my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize