I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
