1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
