Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
