Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
