THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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