Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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