So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
