Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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