I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
