Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize