She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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