no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
