your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
