i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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