Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
