Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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