So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
