Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
