New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
