All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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