Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
