So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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