Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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