Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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