who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
handjob tips. give me some.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
