Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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