she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
