i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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