That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
