Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow