ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
