I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
