Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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