I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
