im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
