woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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