So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
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You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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