I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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