i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
