remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
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