Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
