Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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