i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We were destined to go to rehab together
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
