my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
