My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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