fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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