I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
