Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
