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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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