My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Randomize
