i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
