Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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