I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
