And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
