I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
