if you like me you must not know who I am
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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