dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
