I think I died a long time ago.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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