So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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