Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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