I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
