While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
