i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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