im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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