I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
