Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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