It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
