I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
