tell your sister to shave her snatch
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
