I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
