I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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