don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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