I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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