dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
