So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
