If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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