Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the day after is always just damage control
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
