Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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