and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
